Number 71: Gazpacho

18 Aug

This gazpacho took me two days to make, cost me $75, and forced me to go to my most hated place on earth.  Yes, this gazpacho was quite a bastard.  Two days ago, I found the simplest-sounding recipe for Blender Gazpacho that I’ve ever seen.  You take a bunch of ingredients, stick ’em in a blender, and you’re done.  Seriously.  That’s it.  One thing that you need in order to make Blender Gazpacho, however, is a working blender.  And I DID have one…until it decided that blending mushy tomatoes was far too strenuous and it kicked the bucket.

This required me to journey to the most detested place on the planet: Walmart.  Now, if you’ve never been to, I suggest that you go now and check it out.  Just click on “photos” and scroll to your heart’s content.  Warning: you may be there for several hours. I didn’t encounter anyone of this quality on my trip to the store, but I did see a girl with almost her entire ass hanging out of her shorts and a guy screaming on the phone about child support.  Quality.  Anyways, $65 bucks later, I was able to replace my crappy old blender (left) with this lovely retro-looking Oster blender (right).

Add about $10 for gazpacho ingredients, and that takes me to the state that I’m in now: $75 poorer.  Anyways, when I got home with my brand, spankin’ new blender, I got out the ingredients that I had tried to blend the previous evening and tried again.  Because you blend the ingredients in increments of 2 cups, and I hadn’t properly stirred them up, they each came out a different (but similarly repulsive) color.  The contents of my mixing bowl were starting to look like the vomit-washed shores of a beach.


The color evened out in the end, though, once I stirred it all up and added some tomato juice.  By the way, that Oster blender means business.  I thought it was going to cut me just for looking at it the wrong way.  The “low” speed is not low at all, and the “high” speed should just be labeled “murderous rampage.”  That blender is loud, it’s fast, it’s powerful, and I’m pretty sure it’s gonna last me a LOOONG time.

Okay, back to the gazpacho.  I don’t like soup as a genre of food.  In fact, I hate it.  I don’t want to get into the details (I could rant and rave about my hate for soup all day long), but just accept it as a fact.  And cold soup?  Even worse.  I did actually love the first few bites of this, though.  The olive oil gave it a fantastic flavor and the whole thing just came together wonderfully.  After a while, though, I found myself enjoying it less and less.  I felt like I was eating a giant bowl of salsa and it just felt wrong.

This started off great and ended up really weird really quickly.  The further down my bowl I got, the more watery the gazpacho was, and the amazing taste of olive oil didn’t seem to make it down there, either.  I kept wanting to grab some tortilla chips and start dipping away, but had to keep reminding myself that it was soup.  Apparently gazpacho is not my scene.


7 Responses to “Number 71: Gazpacho”

  1. IntenseGuy August 18, 2011 at 9:51 pm #

    Cold tomato soup.. worse than hot tomato soup which is still icky.

    🙂 So… you doin’t like ya soups huh?

  2. Big Onion August 19, 2011 at 7:44 am #

    I think it should be illegal that cold soups be called soups at all. In fact, if you read the Merriam-Webster definition of soup, gazpacho barely fits:

    … except for maybe the third meaning — “an unfortunate predicament” — which you found yourself in when you had to go to Walmart.

    Then again, I think I’m just angry it doesn’t have meat in it. Haha.

  3. Laura in Cancun August 19, 2011 at 9:21 am #

    Yeah, definitely looks and sounds like salsa to me. Cold soup? WTF?

    My Oster blender destroyed a block of ice the size of two fists last weekend. It was awesome.

  4. Becki D. August 19, 2011 at 10:09 am #

    Oh good! I am so glad that I’m not the only one who feels like Gazpacho is a giant joke that someone is playing. Seriously, let’s see how many people we can get to eat salsa as a COLD soup!

    Not my scene, either. 🙂

  5. Allison @ PickyEatingRD August 21, 2011 at 3:23 pm #

    Gazpacho is def. not my think either (surprise surprise). Soup is supposed to be served HOT!!

  6. Miss Angie August 22, 2011 at 4:21 pm #

    Man, Hellmart is my most despised place ever too!

    That does just look like salsa…

  7. Bridget August 23, 2011 at 8:24 pm #

    Oh my God!!!! I just shipped you an entire case of soup as a “Congratulations on quitting your job” gift!!! Okay, no I didn’t bit I DID just send you a package filled with shirts! You should get int tomorrow and if you don’t like the shirts, just wear them to bed or to work out or something… 😉 I printed out some cute ones today too but of course it was after I’d sent the package! Check FB and if you like ’em, I’ll send you some of those too!

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