Number 36: Cognac with a Fat Cigar

1 Mar


I have never felt more like Hugh Hefner than I did today.  Sitting back with a glass of cognac in one hand and a cigar in the other, I realized that all I needed to become an 85 year-old magazine mogul was a smoking jacket and a multi-million dollar mansion.  Oh yeah, and a career.  And half-naked chicks on trampolines.

In fact, I felt so classy that I was compelled to add a leather-bound book to the photo…then proceeded to make the photo trashy again by adding a pack of matches that I got from a shady joint on Bourbon Street in New Orleans.  While I was both acquiring and sampling the cognac and cigar, though, I came to realize that I am not meant for the life of luxury.  Here are some reasons why:

1. At the liquor store, I had to ask what cognac was and where I could find it.

2. Cigar was “borrowed” from a bachelor party that Dan attended.

3. Didn’t have a cigar chopper (no idea what they’re called), so I snipped off the end with kitchen shears instead.

4. Used approximately 11 matches trying to successfully light and smoke the cigar.

5. Upon tasting the cognac, I almost instantly spit it out.

6. Was in a hurry, so attempted to drink the rest of the cognac in the shower as I got ready.

7. Didn’t have an ashtray, so I used a flowerpot.

8. Left the hardly-smoked cigar in the flowerpot because I didn’t trust myself not to burn the house down.

So yeah, I’m totally not classy enough for number 36.  Surprisingly enough, though, I did not end up coughing to death on the cigar and I happened to enjoy it more than the cognac.  I’m not a smoker, nor do I support smoking, but the cigar wasn’t half bad.  I wouldn’t oppose having an annual celebratory cigar of some sort.  The cognac, though, was just too much like whiskey.  It was too strong and too disgusting and too nasty to even finish.

THE VERDICT
I never thought I would say this, but I’d smoke a cigar again if the occasion arose.  I didn’t even smoke enough of it to get any ash, mind you, but those few puffs were alright.  As for cognac, I’ll leave that to the classy folks.  Hugh, I’m looking at you.

P.S. Tomorrow I’m going to skip town to eat a very special food. See you in a few days!

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6 Responses to “Number 36: Cognac with a Fat Cigar”

  1. IntenseGuy March 2, 2012 at 7:40 am #

    Goodness… 🙂 I won’t even begin to comment on this….

  2. Kelly @ Dare to be Domestic March 2, 2012 at 8:18 am #

    You are now a cross between Hugh and SNL’s Ladies Man, although I think he drinks Cavasia instead of Cognac. I have never sipped on this drink but I’ll be honest it’s rare you will find me sip on any liquor straight so you are a trooper for trying it, AND the cigar. I hate how the cigars smell but the ones I have taken a puff off of were enjoyable. Maybe they don’t seem so bad if you are the one smoking them. 🙂

  3. Laura in Cancun March 2, 2012 at 12:26 pm #

    Drinking cognac in the shower… classy. I would have left the glass on the toilet tank to drink when I stepped out and dried off.

  4. Amy March 2, 2012 at 12:44 pm #

    hahahahahaha
    that’s awesome.

  5. Cathy March 7, 2012 at 1:52 pm #

    There have been many a night at my in-laws cabin spent smoking a cigar and sipping on scotch. It’s just the best way to end the day when you’re alone in the woods, you know? I don’t remember the last time I had cognac, so I can’t tell you if I like it or not. I do, however, like your use of the flowerpot.

  6. Jahn Ghalt May 3, 2013 at 1:57 pm #

    A cigar chopper is called a “cutter”. Only the hardest core cigar smokers inhale – coughing is not a factor. When my daughter was gestating I thought I would hand out cigars to commemorate her birth – but also thought I should know something first. The first ten cigars – each was better than the last (acclimating). After ten you would find that you appreciate them and like the side-stream aroma of the better ones.

    Spitting out cognac! Sip, my dear, and you will grow to like that as well (and brandy – the broader category).

    I’m going to check out your Scotch entry next.

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