Number 82: Eggs Benedict

26 Mar

You may be wondering why such a mundane food made it all the way to the end of this challenge.  Why would I avoid crossing off a food that I can buy for five bucks at any local diner?  Well, eggs Benedict is more or less a fancied-up version of an Egg McMuffin and the one thing that I hate more than anything else in the world is an Egg McMuffin.

When I was a kid, every summer my family and I would road trip up to Door County, Wisconsin.  Before we even left town, the first thing we would do was pick up McDonald’s breakfasts and eat them in the car.  The end result was me sitting in a car for five hours with the stench of stale Egg McMuffins in the air.  Can somebody say “car sick?”  Now, every time I as much as look at an Egg McMuffin, I am overcome with nausea.

Yesterday, I finally decided to conquer my fear of eggs Benedict.  Dan and I headed to Cheesecake Factory for their Sunday brunch and, before I knew it, I had the world’s largest plate of food in front of me.  The English muffin halves were overflowing with ham, Hollandaise sauce, and soft-boiled eggs.  My first bite was surprisingly tasty.  The Hollandaise was tangy and the ham was flavorful, but the whole thing was so rich and heavy that I very quickly started to feel ill.  And once I got to the egg, it was all over.  It was the most nauseating texture- spongy and gelatinous with a yolk that wasn’t as runny as it should have been.  I think I lifted the egg to my mouth three times, but I could never get myself to eat it.  At that point, the Egg McMuffin similarities were just too apparent, and I literally had to build a wall of hash browns in front of the eggs Benedict so I didn’t have to look at them anymore.  I seriously thought I might vomit.

Meanwhile, I’m thinking to myself, “I have handled raw pig intestines, killed a live lobster, eaten sea urchin gonads, and traveled across the country to dine on roadkill, and a run-of-the-mill breakfast dish is making me want to puke my guts out?”  But no matter how much I tried to snap myself out of it, it just didn’t happen.  After doing some deep-breathing exercises and drinking lots of water, I still left the restaurant feeling horrendously ill.  Thank God that Dan got a yummy smoked salmon platter and shared it with me; I needed something to get the McDonald’s breakfast taste out of my mouth.

I really did enjoy the first few bites of this, but after that, my psychosis got the better of me.  I’m thoroughly ashamed that eggs and ham on an English muffin is enough to make me break down, but what can you do?  Everybody has a weakness, and this appears to be mine.


6 Responses to “Number 82: Eggs Benedict”

  1. Amy March 26, 2012 at 10:18 pm #

    I hate when my eggs are overcooked! But I really do love a good eggs Benedict. Runny center please! With smoked cheddar hollandaise…

  2. Kelly @ Dare to be Domestic March 27, 2012 at 7:34 am #

    see… I love eggs but seeing the cut section of this and seeing that it’s more “solid” like Egg McMuffin made MY stomach turn and I actually am OK with Egg McMuffins {but I’d prefer a ham, egg and cheese Chrisandwich from Burger King, fluffy eggs not round eggs}.

    I watched Pioneer Woman make this dish for her father-in-law and after seeing how she made the H Sauce I was not interested, then she poached and egg… no thank you.

    I only like my eggs scrambled, runny or hard boiled. 😉 Thanks again for taking one for the team to write about it. I think my hardest bit in a challenge like this wouldn’t be the new foods it would be the old ones I knew I wasn’t a fan of.

  3. IntenseGuy March 27, 2012 at 8:48 am #

    Somewhere… Chef Charles Ranhofer of New York City’s famous Delmonico’s is rolling in his grave to hear his creation likened to an Egg McMuffin.

    🙂 I bet Mrs LeGrand Benedict would NEVER eat at a McDonalds…

  4. Laura in Cancun March 27, 2012 at 1:46 pm #

    HAHAHAHA that is hilarious 🙂 Beef stroganoff makes me want to throw up, but I’m not sure why.

    I love Eggs Benedict! To be fair, I’ve never had an Egg McMuffin, though.

  5. Cathy March 30, 2012 at 10:33 am #

    But it’s covered in Hollandaise sauce! How can you not love it?! I know we all have weird food stuff…I for one can’t stand the smell of browning ground beef. Reminds me of the million pan fried hamburgers I made my dad when I was younger. Now, hamburgers cooking on a grill? I love the smell! But, if JT browns meat for spaghetti sauce I walk around breathing through my nose and making a puke face.

  6. Bridget April 2, 2012 at 7:26 pm #

    “the first thing we would do is pick up McDonald’s breakfasts and eat them in the car”…………OH, how times have changed! I, for one, still dream of egg McMuffins. Sausage egg McMuffins to be exact! I never understood your utter disgust for them! I’ve never tried eggs benedict but in MY opinion, it looks deelish! Sorry you almost puked. ;(

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