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Number 63: Kaolin

20 Mar

You might be wondering what you’re looking at right now.  It sure as hell doesn’t look like food, and that’s probably because it isn’t food…which makes me wonder why it was ever put on this list.  Kaolin is a type of clay, and (supposedly) many women in the south eat it.  Some of them use it as an appetite suppressant, but many others have a form of pica, the desire to eat non-food items, such as clay, dirt, and chalk.  I, however, don’t tend to crave inedible substances, so I wasn’t really looking forward to dining on nasty grey powder. Continue reading

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Number 70: Chitterlings

8 Mar

My initial thought when I read number 70 on the list was, “what on earth are chitterlings?”  After about 6 seconds of research, I learned that chitterlings are what us un-fancy people call “chitlins!”  Which led me to think, “who on earth actually calls them chitterlings?”  Probably British people.  As they sip tea out of solid gold teacups.  Because that’s what all British people do. Continue reading

Number 89: Horse

5 Mar

I bet you thought I couldn’t do it.  I bet you thought I wouldn’t do it. I bet you thought I’d make it to this one and give up.  But I wasn’t gonna let this one slide, even if I had to leave the country to complete it.  And I didn’t just eat horse, either.  I ate it raw.  Ok, now you can start with the onslaught of negative comments. Continue reading

Number 36: Cognac with a Fat Cigar

1 Mar


I have never felt more like Hugh Hefner than I did today.  Sitting back with a glass of cognac in one hand and a cigar in the other, I realized that all I needed to become an 85 year-old magazine mogul was a smoking jacket and a multi-million dollar mansion.  Oh yeah, and a career.  And half-naked chicks on trampolines. Continue reading

Number 62: Sweetbreads

8 Feb

In the 1998 Academy Award-winning film “Six Days Seven Nights” (okay, it didn’t win any awards- it’s a really bad movie, actually), Harrison Ford and Anne Heche (yes, worst movie couple ever) sat around a campfire discussing breadfruit.  “It’s not bread,” Harrison notes ever so cleverly.  “It’s not fruit,” Anne responds.  Wow, what a script.  Anyways, that’s kind of how I felt the other night when I ordered sweetbreads.  They’re not sweet.  And they’re certainly not bread.  So what the hell are they? Continue reading

Number 78: Snail

6 Feb

It is very rare that Dan and I go out for a fancy dinner.  Jimmy John’s, Panera, and pizza make up most of our “special” meals, so when we entered the upscale Palm Court restaurant, we felt a wee bit out of place.  I was wearing jeans and salt-stained boots, and Dan…well, when you have hair that’s longer than your girlfriend’s, you don’t look like the most respectable young man.  It was pretty effing fancy there- the food came out on silver platters, a keyboard player was busting out synthesized harpsichord versions of Beach Boys songs, and even the bus boy had a French accent.  For real.  I think the waitress was shocked when we ordered escargot immediately after being seated. Continue reading

Number 42: Whole Insects

30 Jan

When I was a kid, I was obsessed with the book How to Eat Fried Worms.  It told the story of a boy who, to win a bet, has to eat fifteen worms, all prepared in different ways.  Instead of being disgusted by the descriptions of worms topped with ketchup and worms in spaghetti sauce, I was intrigued.  I thought they sounded good.  And while I have never eaten a real worm, today I found myself munching on BBQ-flavored meal worms. I guess you could say it was a childhood dream come true. Continue reading